Berserker Carnival
by Happy Merchant
Summary: What happens when a master has very cursed luck? well he gets stuck with only being able to summon berserkers, just berserkers, JUST BERSERKERS! (Some other crazies from different classes may get in on the berserker train once in a blue moon.)


AN: Well damn, didn't think I would actually get far enough to post this, anyway. This is my first ever dip into the SI genre so feel free to completely obliterate me in the comments.

By the title alone it is quite easy to discern that this fic won't take itself seriously most of the time, but even with the crackish nature of this fic, I hope you enjoy it!

(=========)

Ah, a letter comes to view. It is held by a young man who is obviously confused as to why he has such a regal looking letter in his mailbox, his thoughts were "Why was this letter in my mailbox? And what's a Chaldea? Is this part of a scam or something?"

A rather reasonable assumption, but that was not the case in the slightest, for that letter held something within that would change his life in quite literally a snap of the fingers.

So without an inch of hesitation he crumpled the letter and threw it in the trash, after all. He was not much of a risk taker.

Unfortunately, the men in black didn't take such a refusal very well, he was promptly knocked out. Next thing he knows he is in Antarctica and is forcefully employed as part of some secret organization that protects the "human order" as they so aptly put it

But, it was not all bad, as shortly after his forced employment he made friends with an eggplant, a carrot and a squirrel thing that no one really knows about, but it's still a friend!

And thus, with companions at his side this young man will reluctantly join the ranks of those who claim themselves as "masters" and help in fixing mistakes in human history that should not occur.

And it shall all start with **[Singularity F]- **

"Er, Senpai. When I asked how you got to Chaldea, I didn't need a dramatization of it." The carrot told me as she interrupted my grand origin story, it seemed she did not appreciate my style of storytelling, then again. Most people don't like it either, so I shouldn't be surprised by this.

"Well, my carrot companion. All you need to know is that I got kidnapped after throwing away their letter of invitation.." My voice lost its little whimsical tone as I immediately deadpanned at the carrot A.K.A. Ritsuka Fujimaru who tilted her head in confusion.

"Really? That didn't happen to me though… Then again I was searching for a job at the time so that probably had a hand in it." Thanks for the input Ritsuka the Carrot. I'll make sure to make a complaint to the director.

"W-Well, I don't think that matters now, all that matters is that we are here and ready to defend humanity's history!" That came from the eggplant A.K.A. Mash Kyrielight. I would share her sentiments about protecting the history of humanity… If I wasn't forced into the job.

"I _just _said I was kidnapped. Besides, Ritsuka and I know practically nothing about magic. Not the type of people you want to hire to save humanity." Mash paled a bit at my words, seems that her little encouragement act blew up in her face.

"And they told me my magic circuits were horribly average, if it wasn't for the shortage of master candidates- whatever that is - then they wouldn't have even considered me in the first place!" And Ritsuka has hit another nail in the metaphorical coffin.

Mash was stuttering words out, trying and failing to get some form of a coherent sentence out of her mouth and into the air for us to listen to.

"While I do appreciate your honesty, please refrain from causing our staff some unneeded stress, we do need them working at their best, the last thing they need is the director breathing down their necks." A whimsical voice made itself known, shortly after a man dressed in a green suit with a green top hat suddenly came into my peripheral view.

I could see Mash give a quick thank you prayer to the green man in the corner of my eye, poor girl looked like she was about to have a meltdown.

"Ah, where are my manners. My name is Lev Lainur, an engineer here in Chaldea." There was serious doubt from my part for obvious reasons, why would an engineer be dressed so… Exotically, yeah, that sounds like an appropriate way to put it.

Unless it involved magic, in that case then I could just ignore it and stop questioning it.

"By the looks of the young man, it seems you don't believe in my claims, do you?" Shit. Was I that obvious?

"Well… You have to admit, that outfit of yours makes you look like anything but an engineer. You'd make a cool looking game show host though!" Thanks for the save Ritsuka.

Luckily Lev simply laughed it off, wiping a non existent tear as he turned to address Ritsuka.

"Yes, this outfit tends to give off that vibe doesn't it, I remember when Mr. Archaman told me the exact same thing when we first met. Good memories indeed, but I shall leave my nostalgic memories on hold for the meantime. The director has called for all masters to gather in the control room for the briefing of Singularity F, that includes you too Mash." Mash gave a simple nod and turned to look at us, a small smile on her face.

"Come, I shall take you both to the command room." With a firm grasp of both of our hands, Mash guided us toward the command room of Chaldea with Lev following closely behind.

Not shortly after we were riding an elevator down to what I assume will be Chaldea's control center, not much was said as everyone kept to themselves. Well that was until Lev decided to speak up.

"Oh, I forgot to ask, but do the both of you have any training? It wouldn't do if you were simply dropped into your first singularity with nothing but a short explanation." Uh, shit. I think the only training I had was with the simulation Ritsuka and I were a part of earlier, but other than that we were completely clueless.

"It was… Enough."No It wasn't.

"Ah, clever answer. While you may not see it yet, mages are quite competitive when it comes to anything involving magecraft. Hiding your true talents will do you very well against the more unsavory mages lurking about." Huh, I didn't think that would work. Thanks lady luck!

"Both Senpais have minimal training, hours at best from what I've seen." What the hell Mash?!

"Oh. Well then, I'm sure you'll do fine even with your inexperience." And like that the elevator had become silent, the atmosphere laden with embarrassment.

"Fou!" Out of nowhere a white blur collided with my face, kinda reminded me of that one Alien scene with the face hugger, but instead of a parasitic alien, it was a fluffy squirrel thing.

"Agh! Fou! Get your hairy ass off of me!" Didn't mean I liked it. Thankfully the little bugger bounced off me and face hugged Ritsuka.

"Ah! Fou! Your hair's getting in my mouth!" And like that Fou jumped back to Mash, who simply took it like a champ.

"Puh! Puh! Ew, hopefully I don't get a hairball out of that." Ritsuka said as she started spitting out the hair that got stuck on her mouth.

Mash couldn't help but titter as she groomed the little rascal who warmed up to her embrace, eventually Fou burrowed into my clothes, but I didn't bother to do anything about it. Better to let him be for now.

And like that another period of silence came, luckily this one did not last nearly as long as the previous one as the elevator stopped at its destination.

As soon as the doors split apart, we were greeted by the voice of a woman who didn't sound like she was in the best of moods.

Unfortunately I only managed to hear some garbled mess of angry sounding sentences as the next thing I knew, my face briefly met the floor and everything went dark.

(=========)

Fou struggled against the mysterious force that seemed to be crushing him, little by little he wiggled his way out of this rather malleable prison.

With a little plop, Fou was freed and was now being greeted with the apocalypse in front of him, the flames of a city burned ever brightly as skeleton creatures roamed the ruins.

He looked back to see the prone form of a young man. If he remembered correctly from the various talks between the scary director and the kind doctor, his name was "Edgar." Weirdly enough they never mentioned his last name.

But that's none of his concern.

Approaching the unconscious man, the tiny creature was able to tell he wasn't much from what it could tell from a glance alone, but he would have to do.

"Fou! Kyouu! Fouu!" And with no reservations whatsoever, the little creature shot itself like a missile repeatedly into the young man.

"Ow-OW! Quit it Fou I'm up! Up!" The human snatched him out of the air before he could smash himself on his face again. Finally they were on the move and finally getting somewhere. A belly rub is practically guaranteed once the eggplant is found.

"Fou, I don't think we're in kansas anymore." If it was some sort of reference, Fou didn't get it.

(=========)

_Everything happened in such a blur, her memories of the event threatened to slip from the suddenness of it all. She could remember her friend Edgar falling to the floor, snoring like a loud log. _

_The director was furious, the amount of slaps she gave the poor master candidate was astounding, even more so when he didn't wake up from any one of them. _

_With a repressed scream the director dragged her friend off and left the room, now it was just her and the group of mages who were too stunned to really say anything._

_Luckily Lev snapped out of his stupor and hastily took over for director Olga Marie. And thanks to his more kinder nature the briefing went on without any bumps on the road._

_Or at least, that's what she thought, suddenly everything went red, people were screaming and explosions occurred. When she came around from her comatose state she saw Chaldea in ruins with a raging fire threatening to engulf the command room. WIth urgent panic she tried to escape from the command room._

_No luck, she was locked in with nothing but the imminent danger of the fire and the roof collapsing on her. Ritsuka desperately looked everywhere in search for something to pry the doors open, but found nothing. _

_What she did find was a dying Mash Kyrielight under a mountain of rubble. _

"_Mash! Don't worry I'll get ya out!" Ritsuka tried with all her might to lift the rubble off of Mash but it did not budge, not even an inch. _

"_Senpai… If you… Continue… You'll tire yourself *cough* out." Mash rasped out as she weakly looked up to her Senpai, but she still persisted, trying over and over again. _

_**Coffin vitals: Masters.**_

_**Baseline not reached.**_

_**Rayshift requirement not met.**_

_**Searching for qualifying Master… 2 Masters found.**_

_**Candidate No. 47 Edgar **_ ██████

_**Candidate No. 48 Ritsuka Fujimaru. **_

_**Reset as Masters.**_

_**Unsummon Program, start.**_

_**Spiriton conversion, start.**_

"_Senpai… Please stop, there isn't… Anything you can… do." Mash tugged at the orange haired master's sleeve, but Ritsuka isn't having it. _

_"Gottdammit, shut the fuck up about dyin, ain't like it's gun' happen anyway. So shut the fuck up an' be a goddamned big kid and kick that rock's ass!" Ritsuka was so caught up in the moment that she let her accent out heavily, cursing up a storm as she tried to wedge a rock out but failing miserably. _

_Mash was stunned, no words came out of her gaping mouth as she saw her Senpai try her hardest to free her. But that shocked expression soon turned into a somber smile. _

"_... Senpai… Final.. Request." She held out her hand, hoping that her Senpai would catch on to what she was implying. _

_Ritsuka slumped to the floor exhausted from all the exertion her body had done, it wasn't until she catched her breath that she noticed a hand reaching out for her, It was Mash. Who sadly smiled at her. _

_The orange haired master grabbed her hand without a second thought, they were going to die anyway, so dying together seems better than dying alone… _

'_Wait… S'that Edgar?! What's that so' bitch doing here!' Lo and behold, Edgar approached Mash and her, shambling his way through the debris with his eyes closed._

"_It seems... Other Senpai... Is under a heavy case of... Sleepwalking, Senpai." Ritsuka tried her damndest not to reply in a snarky way._

_**Rayshift commencing in... **_

_**3.. **_

_**2..**_

_**1…**_

_**All procedures clear.**_

_**First order, commencing operation. **_

_The room was enveloped by a brilliant white light, and with it the three master candidates had disappeared from their place. Leaving behind a ruined Chaldea. _

(=========)

"Mash! More skeletons coming from the left side!" Ritsuka pointed out as some skeletons with swords and bows crawled their way out of the ground and slowly started to advance towards them.

With a silent nod, Mash charged towards the nearest group of skeletons and collided into them with the help of her newly acquired shield, making bones fly in all different directions.

The skeletons tried to attack Mash but she was faster, and with a quick flourish of her shield, most of the close quarter combatants collapsed, all that was left were the archers harassing her from a distance.

So with an empowered leap, she quickly made her way towards them and smashed her shield on the ground, causing a shockwave that sent most of them flying, the ones that somehow stayed grounded were shortly dispatched by a shield to the face.

"No more targets in view, it seems all enemies have been eliminated. It is safe to come out now, Master." Ritsuka did just that, with a bit of weariness she made her way to Mash.

So far everything had been going well, the skeletons had been fairly easy to handle with Mash wiping the floor with them, traversing through the city was not too much of a problem except for the occasional flame covered streets here and there, but there was still no sign of anyone here…

She couldn't accept that, Edgar must have been here as well. If both Mash and her were rayshifted here then he must also be here…

"Gyaaaah! Get away from me you freaks!" Ritsuka's head shot up, the sounds of a screaming woman filled her ears. Mash must have heard it too as she was immediately on the move, Ritsuka followed closely behind.

After climbing some piles of rubble, Ritsuka was greeted with the sight of director Olga blasting away at a group of skeletons that were getting a bit too close to her.

Thankfully Mash was there to mop up the rest.

(=========)

Travelling through this city has been pretty damn quiet so far, well. As quiet as a burning city could get, no one survived the fire it seems.

"Fou…" The little creature took shelter inside my uniform, its little head resting just below my chin. I didn't mind it.

"Don't worry Fou, we'll find someone for sure… Probably… Maybe. Eventually, it'll happen eventually." Why the hell am I trying to cheer up this squirrel? I doubt he understands what I'm saying.

"Fou! Fou!" And now he's clinging to my face, looks like I was mistaken.

*Twack*

'What the hell was that?!' Getting Fou off my face was a pain in the ass, but once I did, I regretted it immediately. The sight of a group of skeletons aiming their bows at me was not something I expected at all.

"Holy sh-!" I didn't get to finish my curse as a volley of arrows had been shot my way, I dived into the nearest cover I could find and practically stuck to it like I was super glued on it.

After a while the constant rain of arrows stopped and then a bunch of rattling noises filled my ears. The hell are they doing?

I risked taking a peek out of the cover, and surprisingly the skeletons were… Leaving? Did they find someone else to attack or something?

"Gyaaaah! Get away from me you freaks!" Well that was a convenient answer.

"Well, at least we know we aren't in this place alone Fou." The little rascal gave out a little cry before jumping out of my uniform and running ahead of me, seeing as I didn't really have a plan anyway, I followed Fou.

(=========)

How did it all go so wrong? It was supposed to be just a simple briefing, yet the next thing she knew Chaldea's command room blows up, a sizable chunk of the staff surely would have died, Lev and the master candidates are presumably also dead and now she's stuck in Singularity F despite the fact that she wasn't a master candidate.

To say Olga Marie Animusphere was having a bad day was beyond an understatement. It didn't help that she was currently being surrounded by a group of skeletons armed with swords and bows.

So naturally she couldn't stop herself from freaking out "Gyaaaah! Get away from me you freaks!" She immediately had her magic circuits flaring to life as she took potshots at them with Gandr shots. It pushed them back ever so slightly but overall they still closed in on her.

When one shot brought one down, two more skeletons took its fallen comrade's place, there was never a gap in their wall of undead.

Was this really how she would die? In the middle of nowhere, alone and forgotten? This day had been nothing but a cruel joke. It had to be.

The undead creatures were just a few feet, the archers had finally readied their arrows and had taken their aim, the sword wielders had increased their pace with their bone-like swords drawn high in the air, ready to strike their victim down.

"Director! Get down!" Without thinking she immediately dropped to the ground with a loud thud. Seconds later and she was still healthy and breathing.

She hesitantly looked up and to her surprise a face was staring right back at her. Mash Kyrielight was looking at her while holding a shield that easily towered over her.

"Director Olga, are you alright? Do you need treatment?" Mash asked her, which Olga failed to respond to. She only stared back with a blank expression.

"Senpai, it seems the director is in a light catatonic state. Could you please take her to a safe area?" Ritsuka nodded and went to her side, but she pushed her away immediately. As it turns out being speechless does not equate to having catatonia.

The director and Master duo watched as Mash went to town on the group of undead creatures, bashing them without mercy and sending their brittle bones flying all over the place, some even dissipating entirely before touching the ground.

Mash, while not graceful or nimble in her actions, had brute force on her side as she slammed her way through the last batch of undead.

"All threats eliminated, I believe it is safe for us to have a chat If that's how the saying goes." Mash trotted back to the duo.

"If that's the case. Can any of you explain to me how a civilian volunteer managed to become a master?" Olga asked, while the possibility of having a third rate magus become a master was not impossible, the chances of it happening were atrociously slim. It was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one.

"Ah, that can be explained easily director. I'm the one who forced the contract in the first place." Mash answered.

Well hot damn, the directors' finally got that stick out her ass!" Such horrible dialect did not get a great reaction out of Olga, who tried to suppress a wince from forming.

"Senpai… Why do you speak like that? Back in the command room you also spoke rather brazenly..." Mash silently trailed off, not really wanting to bring up her master's interesting way of speech.

"Psh, I was raised in the countryside, so this is pret' normal where I'm from." Olga was not having a great time hearing, would she suffer an entire singularity listening to this!

(=========)

I'm honestly very surprised at myself, somehow I've been going through what's essentially the apocalypse and besides those skeletons that seemingly lost interest in me.

Everything was so empty, why though? Clearly this singularity has things roaming around and whatnot, so why hasn't he encountered anything yet.

Well, at the very least I had Fou with me so I wasn't entirely on my lonesome, speaking of Fou. Where did he run off to this time?

"Fou! Fou! Kyoouu!" Oh there he is! Wait, why is he running so fast? And why is he-

"Que demonios es eso!" A giant pitch black thing came barreling towards my general direction, letting my spanish tongue out briefly I barely managed to dive away from it.

Damn it! I couldn't gleam anything from whatever that thing was, All I could really tell from first glance was that it was producing some kind of black smoke? Well, doesn't matter. I'm not stupid enough to stick around.

"Fou! Quick get in here!" I motioned to a building that was clearly on its last legs, probably why it was a bit hesitant. But it was either that or find out what that mystery figure would do to us if we stuck around so Fou dug his way into my shirt with his head popping out.

There was a mighty roar that came from outside, I hesitantly peeked my head out behind a cracked window. I was greeted with a giant of beastly man who easily towered over the being covered in black smoke.

The smoke actually seemed to weaken a bit, and I could finally see what the smoke was covering so feverishly. It was a knight clad in all black with its visor being crimson read.

That was all I managed to see before the smoke came back with ferocity, covering the knight completely. The beast of a man gave another roar as it charged at the weakened black knight, but the knight managed to dodge from its charge and in response gave a guttural growl in defiance.

They started walking in a circle, slowly sizing each other up and growling at each other, it stayed like this for what felt like hours until the knight took charge and charged, but his opponent didn't flinch.

It took a stance and waited, waited until the knight raised his improvised weapon and then suddenly tackled him, but instead of slamming him or throwing the knight away he kept running with the armored being towards… Us.

Oh…

Oh fu-!


End file.
